April 28, 2010

I emailed a friend this week, and wrote that, "I'm thankful God made me muscular, like my mother, and gave me hips like my father's sisters."

It was one in a long list of one and two liners about myself, in the midst of a lot of talk about how I've decided that, I am, in fact, just fine, as the woman I am.

I'm not sure this post will be helpful to anyone. But I've been studying us women, this week, and I've realized that we have a tendency to rip ourselves apart. I've discovered, in my own life, that it's nothing but destructive - and no one was able to start improving their shortcomings out of the belief that EVERYTHING was wrong with them. 

My fabulous shoe-wearing therapist says it's a problem for all of us, across the board.

I thank her for that one, almost every single day.

Last night, one of my very dearest friends told me that I was beautiful, and that "much better men than him" have said so.

I smiled, even before he added, "you didn't need me to tell you that. that was already inside you."

know what?

he was right.

This is awkward, for me. And I'm not even sure how I feel pushing the "publish post" button. It's looking awfully orange and daunting.

But I feel it's important, in my own way, to take a small step for womankind.

10 things I like about me (that I used to hate about me):

1. The way I look like an Asian when I laugh, and you can't even see my eyes.
2. The freckle on my left foot, right below my pinkey toe.
3. The birthmark below my right shoulder.
4. The way my mother is my best friend, and I call her about six times a day when the going gets tough.
5. The way that I get wanting something BIGGER to tackle, about four times a day.
6. My passion.
7. To put it delicately, as my friend Afua often does, the way that I'm, "such a bitch." She always qualifies this with the truth that I tell people what I'm really thinking, "and normally it's good."
8. My heart's on my sleeve.
9. I have no idea to pretend I'm feeling a way that I'm not. Can't love you if I don't. Can't be happy if I'm not. Can't pretend to not to be angry.
10. My body - as a whole.

photo via this tumblr. 


Anonymous said...

Shanley, I love you through and through, my beautiful friend. It thrills my heart to watch you confidently standing up, confidently covered by GRACE.

Kitty said...

thanks for that shanley :)

angela said...

"every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be." -india.arie

Meg Fee said...

oh grrrrrllll! GOOD FOR YOU. because, yes, it's good for all of us. my eyes disappear when i smile, and i can't fake how i'm feeling either and you're right--those ARE GOOD things. i need to make my own list. stat.

Red Boots said...

Such a thoughtful post that really made me think.

I have a mole on the side of my face that I used to hate. Now I've come to love it, and couldn't imagine myself without it. It's important to be able to love yourself, warts and all! I had an old teacher who used to tell us 'If you can't love yourself then who will' - such wise words.