"If you want more love - why don't you just say so?" John Mayer

February 4, 2010

You ever think that your life plan is perfect - PERFECT - and then watch it crumble while you're putting it together?

Sometimes people just don't play right, do they?

I know that YOU haven't seen the results yet, because I am still working on getting interviews back for love month, but this little love project has done loads for me already.

I'll be honest - I was dreading Valentines day this year.


Last year, I thought I'd probably be engaged by Christmas.

Envision Elle Woods kind of clueless, remove all the pink, replace law school with a stone quarry, and you've got my shock treatment about nailed.

Talk about V-day started and my thoughts of little black dresses and wine with my girlfriends just wasn't quite doing it. I knew that that was an escape from that empty place in me that didn't get what it wanted - and I didn't want any part of my focus to be on THAT.

Now, I'm the most contented of all the fairly recently dumped girls you know - and I'm thankful for unanswered prayers, if you get my drift - but I didn't even want my focus to be on whether or not I'm okay with what happened.

Old news, you know?

I wanted something new, and I needed something more powerful than feeling pretty, or going on another first date.

I've been learning that the most powerful things in life always have to do with changing my perspective.

This time, I wanted to change my perspective on love. No more complaining about the roses I'm not getting - I wanted to spend my time thinking about the kinds of love that DO exist in my life, and I wanted to celebrate them. And, I believe the most powerful way to change your perspective is to think about other people. I don't know that any of us naturally think about other people - except to wonder about what they think about us.

Thus, the love game project. I wanted to work at changing the type of love I was thinking about people giving and receiving. I wanted to think about the love that people give freely to each other - the kind that sees a need and meets it - sacrificially. The kind that you watch from afar and smile about, just because it's happening.

Before you even see another fundraiser, I want to say that it's happening for me. From the coffee shop that's donating a percentage of their proceeds for a month, to the girl setting up an art auction through her flickr, it's happening for me.

I walked by heart/rose wreaths on 2nd Street with Jasmine last night, and I smiled.

To everyone who is reminding me that love is so much bigger than I was making it:

You're right.
It is.


thank you. 


Brittan said...

I am in a similar position right now but with a much more pessimistic outlook. I thought I would be married by now. I definitely did not think I would be unable to get out of bed and crying daily. The shock that my relationship has ended is still fresh. I've been searching, over the past few days especially, for a way to cope and change my attitude, so this post is really helpful.

angela said...

mwen renmen ayiti cherie! epi, mwen renmen ou tou.

Greg said...


Sorry to hear about that. His loss.
I'm glad you're doing well and enjoying SoCal/new little sister/life at Biola.